Dating Dilemmas
I think the dilemmas of dating are a universal problem. Whether you are of the male or female persuasion I think we can all relate to the troubles you run into being single. I mean let’s face it, we are looking for someone to share our lives with, maybe not marriage, but some one to be there when we get lonely. This is the story of two of the most disastrous dates I have ever had trying to reach that point.
Date one
We will call him Julian. Now Julian was fine, he had a good job, drove a BMW and guess what, he didn’t live with his mama. First rule of dating, do not date a guy who is thirty years old and still lives with his mama. Sidebar: do check out the way he treats his mom though because this will be an indication of the way he will probably treat you.
Julian arrives at my apartment around six o’clock one Saturday evening. He is looking pretty good in his black Guess jeans and I am feeling a little attracted to him in the physical sense. So I get into his car and he informs me that we are going to dinner. Well I never turn down a free meal.
We arrive at Don Pablo’s in the Rookwood Pavilion. Now, he didn’t ask me where I wanted to go, but that’s cool. I’ll just have to train him a little better. We enter the restaurant and the waiter shows us to our table. As I wait for Julian to pullout my chair I notice that he is already sitting and reading the menu. Yeah, boyfriend is going to need some real schooling in the art of how to treat a lady.
“I think we should get an appetizer?”
“That’s cool, what do you suggest?”
“How about Stuffed Mushrooms?”
“I’m allergic to mushrooms. How about Nachos?”
“I guess,” he said sounding annoyed.
“Look, why don’t you get the Stuffed Mushrooms and I will get the Nachos.”
“No, I’m not wasting money on two different appetizers!”
“Excuse me?”
“We’ll just get the Nachos.”
“Get the Stuffed Mushrooms.”
“No we’ll get the Nachos.”
When the waiter returned Julian told him to bring us the Nachos for our appetizer and to bring two frozen margaritas. Once again he didn’t bother to ask if I even wanted a margarita. Okay, I a going to try and stay cool, especially since I didn’t drive my own car.
When the waiter returned with our appetizer and drinks Julian gave him our dinner order.
“We will have an order of Chicken Quesadillas.”
“And for the lady,” he said as he smiled at me?
And before I could speak Julian says, “That’s what she’s having too. Just bring another plate.”
I cannot put into words the shock I felt. Now let’s clear a few things up. This man sweated me for weeks to go out with him. I didn’t want to go out with him because of his macho views about men and women. I am not one to hold my tongue, so I decided why put either of us through the drama of going out and having a miserable date?
So how did I end up here? Well, let’s just say he caught me in a moment of weakness? He asked me to dinner and I said yes. Can we all say stupid.
“So, let me get this straight. I am not getting my own meal?”
“Yeah, we are sharing a meal. There should be enough for both of us.”
“At what point did you decide how much would be enough for both of us? I mean you asked me to dinner and I don’t even get a meal?”
“I didn’t think you would mind. I mean it’s not like you won’t get enough to eat. I’m a little short of cash this week. I really didn’t expect you to accept my invitation. I mean you have turned me down so many times before. I’m not going to go into debt over a first and last date.”
“So your crude thinking is that we are not going to have another date so why go all out on this one.”
“Yeah, I guess it is. I mean you can be so hard on a brother. I guess I only came out of fear of saying no.”
“So we are on this miserable ass date because you are scared of me?”
“Basically, yes.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Then why on earth did you keep asking me out?”
“I don’t know, I wish I hadn’t asked again. I mean I like you and you are damn fine, but I am not sure you are worth the aggravation.”
“Ooh, such a big word for such a small brain, would you like me to ask the waiter for some ice so your brain doesn’t overheat?”
“See that’s exactly what I am saying.”
“No what you are saying is that you a cheap son of a bitch that can’t find his balls long enough to stand up to me. I am not the wicked bitch of the west. I am a strong black woman who knows what she wants. No I will not sit at home while the supposed man brings home the bacon. I will educate myself to improve not only my life but also the life of my family. Now if your weak ass can’t get with the program then I am sorry. Furthermore, don’t ever condemn a woman because she will check you on your raggedy shit. I will read you ass like a best selling novel when you are wrong. Today you are being read because today you my brotha’ are wrong!”
With that I got up from my chair and walked the hell out of that restaurant and away from that cheap ass brotha’. What the hell am I doin’ anyway?
Date Two
It was a cold and snowy day toward the end of January. I was sitting at home reading as I usually am and I got a call from a fine brotha’, Thomas. Now Thomas was not my usual type of brotha, he was not educated and he didn’t have sense God gave a gnat. But he had a body that would put most body builders to shame and I liked to look at him.
Thomas spent eighteen out of twenty four hours at the gym. He was an avid body builder and this was where his mind was. I usually got pretty bored with these types of brotha’s but Thomas was good eye candy.
Thomas calls and asks me if I’d like to go to the movies and to grab a bite to eat. I said yeah, I wasn’t doing anything and my son was visiting his father. Hell why not? I did want to see that new Wesley Snipes movie.
Thomas arrives promptly at eight. I am ready and we leave to go to the restaurant. Now keep in mind that Thomas was not the sharpest tack in the box, so he relied on me to make most of the decisions. I decided we would go to a small restaurant close to the show in case time got away from us. Really I wanted to be close to the restaurant so I wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time dumbing my conversation down to Thomas’ level. Also, I didn’t want to hear another boring story of what happened today at the gym. You see Thomas was fine and he was built, he did have a job and he tried to treat me like a lady, but Thomas didn’t know the Persian Gulf was over seas.
We ate dinner and then we went to the movie. While on the way home Thomas suggests we go back to his place. I ask for what and he in forms me that we will be going back to his place to screw.
Now don’t get it twisted I am by no means a prude. I am not above sex on the first date if I am truly feeling a brotha’. Now, until Thomas tried to bully the sex from me, he may have had a shot. I mean not at another date, that shit was out, but I may have given him a little taste. You know kept him by little black book of sex partners. Yeah, we women do that shit to.
So as I sit there, a little stunned, I ask him if he really believed that because he took me to a movie and bought me a hamburger, that I would really go to bed with him. He said hell yeah. Furthermore, if I wasn’t going to give him some I could just get out of his car right now. This fool put me out of his car in Fairfield, Ohio. I lived in Kennedy Heights. This was quite a distance from Fairfield. I had no car and no way home. He actually drove off, not once looking back.
After thoughts
Now am I bitter? No, I am just more careful about my dating habits. First, I always drive my own car. Second, I always have enough money to pay for my own food. Third, if they have somehow managed to offend me, I try to hold my tongue until I am safely at home, then I let there asses have it. And finally, I never let this dating shit bother me. I chalk it all up to life lessons and I just keep on steppin’.
I think the dilemmas of dating are a universal problem. Whether you are of the male or female persuasion I think we can all relate to the troubles you run into being single. I mean let’s face it, we are looking for someone to share our lives with, maybe not marriage, but some one to be there when we get lonely. This is the story of two of the most disastrous dates I have ever had trying to reach that point.
Date one
We will call him Julian. Now Julian was fine, he had a good job, drove a BMW and guess what, he didn’t live with his mama. First rule of dating, do not date a guy who is thirty years old and still lives with his mama. Sidebar: do check out the way he treats his mom though because this will be an indication of the way he will probably treat you.
Julian arrives at my apartment around six o’clock one Saturday evening. He is looking pretty good in his black Guess jeans and I am feeling a little attracted to him in the physical sense. So I get into his car and he informs me that we are going to dinner. Well I never turn down a free meal.
We arrive at Don Pablo’s in the Rookwood Pavilion. Now, he didn’t ask me where I wanted to go, but that’s cool. I’ll just have to train him a little better. We enter the restaurant and the waiter shows us to our table. As I wait for Julian to pullout my chair I notice that he is already sitting and reading the menu. Yeah, boyfriend is going to need some real schooling in the art of how to treat a lady.
“I think we should get an appetizer?”
“That’s cool, what do you suggest?”
“How about Stuffed Mushrooms?”
“I’m allergic to mushrooms. How about Nachos?”
“I guess,” he said sounding annoyed.
“Look, why don’t you get the Stuffed Mushrooms and I will get the Nachos.”
“No, I’m not wasting money on two different appetizers!”
“Excuse me?”
“We’ll just get the Nachos.”
“Get the Stuffed Mushrooms.”
“No we’ll get the Nachos.”
When the waiter returned Julian told him to bring us the Nachos for our appetizer and to bring two frozen margaritas. Once again he didn’t bother to ask if I even wanted a margarita. Okay, I a going to try and stay cool, especially since I didn’t drive my own car.
When the waiter returned with our appetizer and drinks Julian gave him our dinner order.
“We will have an order of Chicken Quesadillas.”
“And for the lady,” he said as he smiled at me?
And before I could speak Julian says, “That’s what she’s having too. Just bring another plate.”
I cannot put into words the shock I felt. Now let’s clear a few things up. This man sweated me for weeks to go out with him. I didn’t want to go out with him because of his macho views about men and women. I am not one to hold my tongue, so I decided why put either of us through the drama of going out and having a miserable date?
So how did I end up here? Well, let’s just say he caught me in a moment of weakness? He asked me to dinner and I said yes. Can we all say stupid.
“So, let me get this straight. I am not getting my own meal?”
“Yeah, we are sharing a meal. There should be enough for both of us.”
“At what point did you decide how much would be enough for both of us? I mean you asked me to dinner and I don’t even get a meal?”
“I didn’t think you would mind. I mean it’s not like you won’t get enough to eat. I’m a little short of cash this week. I really didn’t expect you to accept my invitation. I mean you have turned me down so many times before. I’m not going to go into debt over a first and last date.”
“So your crude thinking is that we are not going to have another date so why go all out on this one.”
“Yeah, I guess it is. I mean you can be so hard on a brother. I guess I only came out of fear of saying no.”
“So we are on this miserable ass date because you are scared of me?”
“Basically, yes.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Then why on earth did you keep asking me out?”
“I don’t know, I wish I hadn’t asked again. I mean I like you and you are damn fine, but I am not sure you are worth the aggravation.”
“Ooh, such a big word for such a small brain, would you like me to ask the waiter for some ice so your brain doesn’t overheat?”
“See that’s exactly what I am saying.”
“No what you are saying is that you a cheap son of a bitch that can’t find his balls long enough to stand up to me. I am not the wicked bitch of the west. I am a strong black woman who knows what she wants. No I will not sit at home while the supposed man brings home the bacon. I will educate myself to improve not only my life but also the life of my family. Now if your weak ass can’t get with the program then I am sorry. Furthermore, don’t ever condemn a woman because she will check you on your raggedy shit. I will read you ass like a best selling novel when you are wrong. Today you are being read because today you my brotha’ are wrong!”
With that I got up from my chair and walked the hell out of that restaurant and away from that cheap ass brotha’. What the hell am I doin’ anyway?
Date Two
It was a cold and snowy day toward the end of January. I was sitting at home reading as I usually am and I got a call from a fine brotha’, Thomas. Now Thomas was not my usual type of brotha, he was not educated and he didn’t have sense God gave a gnat. But he had a body that would put most body builders to shame and I liked to look at him.
Thomas spent eighteen out of twenty four hours at the gym. He was an avid body builder and this was where his mind was. I usually got pretty bored with these types of brotha’s but Thomas was good eye candy.
Thomas calls and asks me if I’d like to go to the movies and to grab a bite to eat. I said yeah, I wasn’t doing anything and my son was visiting his father. Hell why not? I did want to see that new Wesley Snipes movie.
Thomas arrives promptly at eight. I am ready and we leave to go to the restaurant. Now keep in mind that Thomas was not the sharpest tack in the box, so he relied on me to make most of the decisions. I decided we would go to a small restaurant close to the show in case time got away from us. Really I wanted to be close to the restaurant so I wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time dumbing my conversation down to Thomas’ level. Also, I didn’t want to hear another boring story of what happened today at the gym. You see Thomas was fine and he was built, he did have a job and he tried to treat me like a lady, but Thomas didn’t know the Persian Gulf was over seas.
We ate dinner and then we went to the movie. While on the way home Thomas suggests we go back to his place. I ask for what and he in forms me that we will be going back to his place to screw.
Now don’t get it twisted I am by no means a prude. I am not above sex on the first date if I am truly feeling a brotha’. Now, until Thomas tried to bully the sex from me, he may have had a shot. I mean not at another date, that shit was out, but I may have given him a little taste. You know kept him by little black book of sex partners. Yeah, we women do that shit to.
So as I sit there, a little stunned, I ask him if he really believed that because he took me to a movie and bought me a hamburger, that I would really go to bed with him. He said hell yeah. Furthermore, if I wasn’t going to give him some I could just get out of his car right now. This fool put me out of his car in Fairfield, Ohio. I lived in Kennedy Heights. This was quite a distance from Fairfield. I had no car and no way home. He actually drove off, not once looking back.
After thoughts
Now am I bitter? No, I am just more careful about my dating habits. First, I always drive my own car. Second, I always have enough money to pay for my own food. Third, if they have somehow managed to offend me, I try to hold my tongue until I am safely at home, then I let there asses have it. And finally, I never let this dating shit bother me. I chalk it all up to life lessons and I just keep on steppin’.
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